Self Hate taught in the Black Community

LET’s TALK about it.


I was listening to one of my favorite Vloggers on YouTube this morning as he discussed self hating black females. This topic was not about how any black female hated themselves for being black or their features or anything. It was simply because they went and sought sperm from a white man.

Oh my gosh. Here we go with this mess again.

Anyway, I listened to this video that last about 15 minutes and then I read the comments that followed. Not only did the video have me feeling some type of way, the comments did no better in making me feel better. He and the commenters were all about how these women hated themselves because they chose to have a baby by this white man. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cry me a freaking river man. Why is it when a black woman dates a white man she has to be a self hater? Why is it your business?

Let’s take a minute to think about if there’s any self hatred where did it come from. Oh, right, the community. Growing up in Brooklyn, New York I was not too dark but I was not light skinned either. Dating me was more like an, okay the light skinned girl didn’t want me and Kash is not too dark so let’s holla at her, type of deal. When I was younger as well, my hair was not straight but it wasn’t 4A or 3C textured, so immediately I was introduced to the press and curl. “Girl, we have to do something with those naps.” Up until a few years ago, having “nappy” hair was still considered taboo unless you had the textured hair as mentioned earlier. That earlier stated textured hair was often stated as having “Good Hair” hence the docu-film by Chris Rock. When that wasn’t working well I was introduced to Jeri Curl and then finally an relaxer. My hair hadn’t been the same since. Any growth stopped. My hair is now natural and is happy that way.

Let’s talk about the dark skin shall we. As beautiful as my dark skinned sisters are out there, it was never praised in our community as the light skinned girls were. The jokes on the dark skinned folks were almost endless. Then of course mainstream media had to put in their two cents and the jokes continued. Let’s fast forward to 2017. There’s a sister who was out there. She was photo’d and her photo went viral. Beautiful woman, so I could see why it went viral in the first place. The comments in the comment section was all about her dark skin and how ugly she was. Had she been an Zendaya or an Halle Berry you would have been drooling over her. Any disrespectful comments would have been taken as someone “hating” on her instead of someone just not liking the looks of the woman.

Let’s look even in Hollywood. There are roles that are written for black people and is more often it’s the females who are passable who tends to get the roles. For example, they’ve made one of the many live action remakes, so sick of those by the way, anyway they made one of the old show called “Jem and the Holograms.” Every character looked like the cartoon EXCEPT, yes, you’ve guest it the black character. This story is completely talked out so I won’t keep it going. If we have a black woman who is dark skinned, she is usually a loud mouthed woman who cannot get a man or someone who in order to get a man had to be loose. The light skinned girl or fairer toned sister got the man every time and it was always a good guy. The guy would have money or some sort of status.

What’s the point of that? We have done so many cruel things to each other in the black community to one another that it’s been green lighted for other races and cultures to do the same to us. Black men disrespects the black woman so much, that the Chinese shop keep felt comfortable enough to attack this black woman. Have black men been the same as they were in the past, that would not have happened. For some reason, we as black people feel the need to target one another so much and then get angry when someone else does it. Why?

I know there are several examples that could be used to make this point but I don’t have the time to list them all, feel free to do so in the comment section of this blog. I feel that we need to learn how to love one another. Dark skin is beautiful. Light skin is beautiful. Medium skin is beautiful. All black skin are beautiful. All hair types on a black person are beautiful. We need to stop with the constant divide within our community and be mindful of the differences of opinions. The wolf mentality needs to stop. I have my own mind. I think for myself. It is okay.

Black men and women, it shouldn’t matter who you date. Who you have a baby by or what preferences you have in anything as long as there’s two consenting adults. I don’t believe that we have the right to dictate who someone should or should not date, marry, or reproduce with in their own private homes. It’s none of your business unless it’s a child. Funny thing is, when it comes to child abuse there’s not a lot being said. when it comes to domestic violence, the victim is often the blame. When it comes to interracial dating and marriage it’s like someone just broke the dang on law and everyone is talking. I wonder where the problem truly lies.

If you want black women to look at you Mr. Black man, then date the black woman. Love her. Respect her. Honor her and admire her. Stop making her a baby’s momma. Here’s an experiment that I have conducted about 10 years ago.

We had 1 biracial woman – favors more of a black female

1 Dark Skinned black woman

1 light skinned black woman


and the white girl.

The white girl was busted looking, on purpose of course. Her teeth were jacked up by alterations. Her hair looked greasy and her clothes were not matching. All of the black females looked great. We went to the club and decided to act up child. We had fun dancing, drinking, and just cutting up. There were a few black men who looked our way but they didn’t say anything. After a while, there was a man who ended up being the example. He stood around us and wouldn’t leave. He didn’t say a word but just stood there. We all kept cutting up and acted like he wasn’t there. He just stood while sipping his drink and stared. (By the way, I HATE that. Just say something already. Geez) He came over and by passed all of us black woman and went straight for the white girl. This happened a few weekends in a row and at different clubs. The last club, my white friend was able to dress up and look good. She is a pretty woman anyway. She dates black men. That’s all she dates. She doesn’t hate white men, she just prefers black.

She told me that when she dates black men, she has a standard. The main rule is “you cannot be a hater of black women.” That’s one of her many pet peeves and I cannot blame her. I wouldn’t date a Puerto Rican or a white man if he’s talking trash about his own people. I don’t need you to put them down in order to lift me up. My ego is not that big. My home girl feels the same way. It sickens her. It saddens me. I cannot phantom the idea of dating someone only because they hate their own.

Why the social experiment? I wanted to see if what I’ve heard sisters saying for years to be true. This wasn’t one black man, there were plenty of black men. I have gathered my information and I should have written a thesis on it. Damn. Lol. Now let me guess, “The white girl could have been his preference.”

“Maybe the black girls had an attitude problem.”

“Maybe the black girls were acting Ratchet.”

“Maybe the black girls were loud.”

“Maybe it was the fake hair.”

“Maybe he wanted something real.”

Maybe this tired excuse. Maybe another. No boo, the experiment was successful and the sayings of the sisters throughout the few years at the time were true. If given the choice, that’s who they would choose. Why is it okay for the black man and not the black woman? Why are black men free to venture out and the black women are called racist names?

I went off of topic. Sorry.

The black community has taught the black child to hate him/herself. The black community glorifies white-like features and despises black anything. Is this everyone? Of course not. It’s enough that it sends the message to the black little boy that his kinky textured hair is not okay. His dark skin is the problem. He would venture towards the lighter skinned girl to the white girl so that his son would not have to deal with the hatred displayed towards him. The same as the black, dark skinned little girl with the kinky textured hair. When told that she has to perm her hair because her hair is ugly, that’s a message. When her boyfriend leaves her for a light skin girl, it sends a message. When her cries are ignored and people are in favor of the lighter girl, it sends a message. When the white girl is the standard of beauty, it sends a message. So if she ventures towards the fairer skinned brother to or a man who is not a reflection of her to marry or have children then you cannot get angry with her. YOU’VE GIVEN HER THAT MESSAGE.

Take responsibility and then teach the younger generation that it’s okay to be black. Black is beautiful, no matter the shade.

One more thing…ENOUGH WITH THE SEGREGATION OF OUR OWN PEOPLE. That’ll be for another blog.

Thanks for reading. Let me know your thoughts on the matter.


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